My Home Remedies

Skin Tags Home Remedy Comments

18 Comments for the Skin Tags Home Remedy

Butt then again...

If my anus could talk… it would thank posters here for the following home remedy, after narrowly avoiding painful surgery.

For YEARS I’d suffered an olive-sized growth at my anus. It was an ugly not-so-little secret that undermined my self image, as it made its presence known damn near every time I crossed my legs, went running and during lovemaking, as it tended to “dangle.” At the same time, an anal fissure, which the tag seemed to stand guard over like a sentry, would often bleed and swell. Together they made life miserable. So I made an appointment with a proctologist, tho I’ve always been leery of these professionals. After all, what kind of person jumps thru so many hoops in order to have a career looking at aging butt holes? Still, I was hurting, so I made the crucial appointment.

In the presence of his nurse, the proctologist told me to drop my pants and then took some metal probes--reminiscent of dental hygiene tools—and after some excruciating poking and prying, had me to tidy up, and then held a conference. He drew a picture of my ass hole. It featured a huge anal tag—like a sentry (his words)--guarding a fissure—or ragged little tear--in the anal sphincter. He proposed surgically removing the tag and then cutting out an arc-shaped piece of my anal sphincter to get rid of the fissure. The surgery would be painful, I would be laid up for two weeks and there was a 1 to 3 percent chance that my anus would not work properly after the operation. I signed on, out of desperation, as I’d been debilitated off and on for years, and I’m a busy man, who makes his living five ways--writing, publishing, teaching, consulting and real estate.

Fortunately for me—tho not him--the surgeon burned both hands in a grilling accident before my surgery could take place. Too much accelerant, according to his secretary. When she asked if I’d like to reschedule, I told her “I’ll call you,” and started Googling. One thing I learned was that the hemorrhoid surgery I’d signed on for would be the worst pain I’d ever experienced, would be incredibly disruptive of my life—at a busy time--and might leave me with a leaky anus, not to mention a possible addiction to pain meds. Added to this was my newfound distrust of a surgeon who’d used bad judgment operating a grill. I didn’t want him near my privates.

So I started looking for home remedies and came across your website. Here and elsewhere I read that lots of people had removed all sorts of tags from their bodies with thread or dental floss, and so I put it on my list of things to at least attempt.

Late one night when no one else was about, I contrived to loop dental floss around my anal olive. Positioning a boss flashlight to shine into that shadowy nether region, I cocked my right leg up on my lavatory, bent over and, peering round with great effort into my large bathroom mirror, looped a dental floss noose around my tag, and pulled the draw string. Hurt like hell. I’d tied it on crooked, so that the string cut across the middle of my tag, dividing it into two bulges scored by a painful groove in which the dental floss cut.

For weeks afterward, squirming in pain, I kept hoping for it to shrivel, so I could deliver the coup de grace with nose hair scissors or carpet knife or something. I waited in vain. It stayed plump and full. What’s worse, it felt like a constant toothache in my anus. Through trial and error I learned that Neosporin—the kind that contains aspirin--would relieve the pain temporarily. It also seemed to have a healing effect on my anal fissure. Still, the lumps in my tag stayed round and plump. After about two weeks of on and off pain, I decided to cut the string.

No go. It was sunk inside the flesh of my swollen tag. At this moment of discovery, I had serious regrets about trying the home remedy. The only thing that kept me from giving up and throwing myself on the mercy of my doctor—literally bowing before him--was the prospect of complete and abject humiliation. What might he tell friends or family in our close-knit community, where my work in the media had made me well-known?

So, late at night, forming another tiny noose, bending over, slipping it over and pulling tight, I tried again. This time I managed to tie the dental floss snugly around the base and waited several days. Was it my imagination or was the tag shrinking? Maybe I could snip it off entirely before long. Three days before I was supposed to drive 150 miles to the wedding of a beautiful niece—a drive I knew would be excruciating--I went into the bathroom to apply Neosporin-with-aspirin. Imagine my surprise and delight, when the entire anal tag--rogue floss, groove and all--slipped its mooring and adhered to my tissue. Could this be true? I drew the tissue up and looked at my tormentor, nestled there--a tiny shriveled olive, crisscrossed with grooves. It was a bloodless coup in my nether realm. I’d hung the tyrant.

It’s been three months now and I can’t believe I succeeded in thwarting the surgeon, saving my insurance thousands, and improving my self-image. My tag had been there so long that now it feels novel to have a smooth butt crack, and I never feel the tag hanging there during sex, or while running, or when I cross my legs wrong. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.

A final note: I don’t know if the antibiotic Neosporin would work for everyone’s anal fissure. Just four days ago I had grave doubts after I felt the old rawness and swollenness return. So I applied Neosporin several times over the period of a couple of days. Voila, the anus healed again. OK, take it for what it’s worth. Anecdotal, but I think I cured myself, and avoided expensive surgery, debility and possible pain med dependency in the duration.

So, to all who posted testimony here:

My wife thanks you, I thank you, and my anus thanks you.

18 comments | Post a comment

Anonymous

I am dying...this was awesome. I just hope it's as great as the actual end procedure!

kelly

Too funny. You do have a talent for comic writing. My husband has a grape sized tag and I am going at it tonight!! Thanks for sharing your adventure.

Anonymous

I know you wrote this almost a year ago but I have to comment. Thank you so much for sharing this intimate story. Not only was it pure hilarious pleasure to read, but it gave me the information and courage to try this myself. Be warned of extreme TMI.

After a colonoscopy, I was left with a tag hanging from the exact place you don't want a tag. I had even been avoiding sex with my husband, at least certain positions anyway. I was almost thankful he injured his knee so we had to take a break for a few weeks while he healed.

I followed your advice and tied floss around it, being sure to get it around the base. After several days it paled in color and became harder but other than that, no real change. I was becoming discouraged. I thought maybe it needed another application of floss so I tied another 'noose'. All I had was mint-flavored floss. I don't know if that's what did it because 12 hours later I was sitting on the pot, hoping I wouldn't have to go to Emergency and get laughed at, when I heard a tiny plop below me. I stood and turned and there it was: a tiny black turd that didn't come from inside me. Further inspection showed that I was now tag-free! Ten days, minimal pain, no blood and nary an infection, thanks to your precise instructions.

Now I'm off to jump my hubby's bones with a little Reverse Cowgirl!

P.S. Keep writing, you're very talented!

Booty Believer

So, has anyone that did the floss had pain the first day? I just did this today and my asshole is killing me! I know it's a skin tag bc I've had many doctors look at it and turn me down for surgery b/c it's just cosmetic. I took it upon myself to try this method and am do excited to get rid of this hideous creature that's been hitchhiking via anus for almost 7 years now. I am hurting though! Please someone tell me it gets better after the 1st day! And, did you have swelling the 1st day? This is nuts! I'm do happy I'm not alone. Ughh. My anus can kiss my arse!

Anonymous

HILARIOUS!!!

Anonymous

That's very funny! I was laughing while reading it.
With my experienced, using dental floss or sewing thread to remove the skin tags it really works. I had some skin tags just below my eye lid. My physician advised me to use a sewing thread and tied it really tight. By the following day they came off.

Kelly

LOL...I just wet my bed laughing so hard! Your writing rules!!! LOL

kiki

Oh my garsh, that was probably the most hilarious and truly entertaining bit of trivia I have EVER read! Thank you for making me laugh so hard, that my glorious and enduring little piece of skin heaven near my crotch has now decided to scream uncle as its owner contemplates its removal from its comfortable bungalow!

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